Flight 7 the Red eye

It's nice to know that I am not the only one who doesn't function well before consuming 24 oz of coffee.  One spectacular Friday morning I awake at 3 am.  I do this because I have never been one to hear and wake up as soon as the alarm tells me to get my dead beat butt out of bed.  This morning was a little different, had to be up and on a plane by 6:30 am so I can go have a meeting with a client.  So I shut off my alarm, shower, put plastic on my eyes and shave.  Pour my self a cup of java and out the door I go.  70 minutes later I arrive at the airport for check in.  I am the only one in line and get everything and am ready to leave.  One small problem is that it is only 5:00 am.  Ok no problem, all I need to do is buy a paper and drink some coffee and I'll be all set right?  Buy a paper and walk up to the Cafe for some more joe (mot mo-jo silly).  Cafe doesn't open up until 6:00 am.  Now being a little more that frustrated walk all the way down stairs to buy a Mt. Dew.  So my caffeine level will let me live for about an hour until I can suck down 3 more cups of coffee at the cafe with the worse service ever.  So I get on my flight sit down and strap into my puddle jumper ready to go.  The flight attendant botched the beginning spiel.  Do not get me wrong, I don't know if I could do that, but it's her job.  It was worse case scenario for public speaking.  She was in the spot light half way through when she drew a complete blank.  You could hear a pin drop it was so quiet right then.  Dead silence on the flight stemming, I assume, from everyone's lack of caffeine.  She just told us to read the help guide and if we had any questions to ask.

            Take off was interesting as well.  The pilot must have went on a bender the night before, because he was weaving back and forth most of the way down the runway.  A little bit later he comes on the mike saying the current flight deck was 18,000 ft and we will be climbing to 2-9-0-0 ft (he missed a zero); flight time will be 55 minutes... mumble... mumble... mumble.  With the flight crew this coherent while we are in the air, it instilled in me the utmost confidence that the pre-flight inspections were preformed with precise accuracy.  The water device on board was not working properly, so that meant NO COFFEE.  WHAT KIND OF CRUEL TORTURE IS THAT?  How the hell do you miss that in the Pre-flight inspection?  Making sure I have plenty of coffee would be the FIRST thing I'd check to make sure it was functioning properly.  If it wasn't, then I would ground the flight.  The engine is making a funny noise, but we have coffee, works for me.

            So I have to site through a flight with out enough caffeine flowing through my veins to keep me chipper.  I have very little tolerance of stupid people to begin with, however when it's this early without coffee I have even less.  There was this couple behind me as we are flying over Minnesota one said, "Wow! Look at all the lakes."  No kidding Einstein, you think that is why they call it the Land of 10,000 lakes?  Not to be unnoticed for keen intellectual value, the person sitting with them said yeah Minnesota has a lot of lakes.  Holy Hesus batman, please tell me that neither of you will ever procreate.  Do the world a favor and go get fixed.  To make this trip even more of a pain in my arse, we have a 2 hour layover and they had crappy coffee at the airport.  Man I hate airports with no respect to java lovers.  10 sugars, 3 creams and no lid. (to the famous George Thorogood song one bourbon, one scotch, one beer)

Eustis